The Doralicious Podcast

My Life as “Ashley”

micNicky Alexis FouledakistodayJuly 7, 2019 2

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Nicky Alexis Fouledakis , aka “ASHLEY” talks about growing up being transgendered not only in the Greek Community but at home as well.

 

By Nicky Alexis Fouledakis:

Recovery works: Forest floor by Nicky Alexis Fouledakis I wish i still had a camping spot where i could be in a forest floor. I remember, in 2000, me and my partner David had friends at the Cedars campground. We would go and visit them and we had our own tent and such. Fuck. I admit being with those people that made me happy. But that was in a time when i was drinking and using. My drag name back then was Amanda Twat. Yup. I was the vulgar one and still am. That was me. Dave knew me as Nicky. Not Ashley. But when he passed and i with his parents spread his ashes in Lake Ontario as that was his dying wish, a part of Nicky died. Enter resentments of his name and grief. I lost my life in the forest floor, with the Courageous Lion, and the Tin Man, and the Scarecrow. Little Nikolaki became an adult Nicky. I admit i wzs just beginning to adult. And when my David died that lush forest floor died with my inner child partially. My heart turned to cold and stone. Like the Celts, i was living a nightmare. When David died, i also lost my daughter Leonine (who would later become my son Lennon). I honestly have a hard time talking about these losses. I admit that as well. Sylvia, the mother of Lennon took him to America. I had no parental rights and i paid hard for it. I kept dragging myself towards the darkness of the forest floor. I poisoned myself with alcohol and drugs and was getting laid in order to absolve my sins. And i look at myself, today. My co sponsor and spirit brother was in a forest floor today. I heard his voice in my head. “You are Nikki. Just keep doing the work and listen to me.” Since he and my sponsor, and a lot of people are coming into my life, the forest floor is growing back. Luscious, delightful, and everything smells euphoric. Agape (love), Aletheia (truth-honesty), Anoixis (open ess), and Ergasia Thelisis (willingness) are here to stay. Keep coming back.


The Doralicious Podcast

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